After a couple of weeks, I could use the arms more and resume a somewhat normal life. My energy slowly returned to something approaching normal, which is still quite low by most people’s standards.
After a month or so, I finally managed to resume activities for the local writing group which had given me its position as treasurer not long before the surgery. Fortunately, that period was pretty quiet but I still fell behind on learning the details of the job. By now I have gotten the everyday tasks completed but am still learning some of the technological setups involved with the position.
The bleeding would not stop. It slowed down. The left breast incision finally healed. But the right side continued to put out occasional trickles of liquid. It looked mostly like blood but I could not be sure. In late November I went back to the doctor for an office procedure to work on the incision. He reopened it, cleaned out some dead tissue, and re-sewed the stitches. I hoped this would do the job.
It did not. A few days later, I called the office and asked if I was still supposed to be bleeding. They never answered, but immediately scheduled me for a second surgery to work on the right breast. I believe the surgeon replaced the implant with a new one and re-sewed the incision yet again. I was happy to find that this procedure did not take the energy out of me like the initial surgery had. I felt reasonably well and did not need the nurse to stay with me. I came home the next morning and resumed fairly normal activities except for not putting severe stress on the right arm.
There was a funny thing about stress on the arms. They kept telling me not to reach the arms up much over my shoulders. It would cause strain on the incisions that might cause them to reopen. But I found that raising the arms did not cause any strain unless I reached as high as possible. Instead, it turned out that reaching down to the floor caused the real problem. I had to stay away from that motion as much as possible for a long time.
Here in early January, I feel like I have almost completely healed the right side. I have not seen any blood come out of the incision for about a week. But something new happened. After the second operation, I noticed that some of the liquid that came out was not blood but was definitely something else. It looked like clear fluid but left a slightly strawlike mark on the gauze. I have concluded that it is probably lymphatic fluid. It tended to come out of one particular place on the incision while the blood came out of a different area.
The last fluid I have seen was about three days before this writing. A very small stream of clear fluid trickled out of the incision for a few minutes. Since then, I have been dry. I am still putting gauze bandages over the incision just in case something happens. I hope to finish with the gauze in a few more days. The doctor also said I should put butterfly closures over the incision. I am not sure if they help, but they do not cause any issues.
The doctor and I have talked about what would happen if this last operation did not stop the bleeding and leakage. He said we might have to take the right implant out for a couple of months. I told him that if we had to remove one, we would take both out and not put them back in. The uncertainty has been killing me. But since the incision seems to finally be healing, I believe I will be able to keep the implants.
It would be a shame to remove them. The doctor is very happy with their shape and appearance. They still sit pretty high up, but will drop over time into a more normal position. I still want them. I just want them without complications. I want to be able to live a normal life again, which has not been possible the last couple of months.
Counting nurses and hotels, I have invested around $10,000 in this attempt to appear female. I hope the investment pays off. I am not trying to appear sexy to anyone. I never had much luck with affairs of the heart and certainly will not have any more luck now. I am also not attracted to men, so I am not trying to come on to them. But I do want to look feminine. The implants are starting to feel more like a part of me as opposed to being alien invaders. I guess with time the situation will get better.
I suspect that younger women would be better candidates for this surgery. It is more invasive than you might think and takes a lot out of you. I thought I would recover over the weekend after the surgery and be ready to function normally the next week. How mistaken I was. Be especially careful if you have had heart problems that require you to take anticoagulants. This is not minor surgery.
We will see how, if any, the implants change my life. I will be satisfied if I look more feminine and not have to wear the falsies anymore. Maybe I can find a bathing suit and get in a pool again, which I have avoided since making the transition. I know that I will not have the genital surgery, so this is as far as I will go with major cosmetic surgery. I just hope I do not live to regret it
In retrospect, I wonder if I would have had the operation had I known what the complications would be. I probably would not have done it. And I really wanted the implants. But this level of post-op bleeding and fluid leakage really wore me down and made me wonder if I would ever be able to live normally again.
Here are a couple of considerations for anyone who is thinking about having the breast implant surgery.
- As noted above, saline feels harder than silicone but does not carry the same risk of physical harm. There is a risk that the implant could eventually leak or rupture.
- Be aware of the possible need for follow-up surgery in case you have complications. This was especially important since my insurance would not cover the procedure and I had to pay for it out of pocket. I got lucky. The doctor has not charged for all the extra work. The surgery center reduced its price for the second operation and the doctor helped cover that. Had I been forced to pay full price, it would have been much more expensive. Be sure you can afford the extra care.
- Be extra careful if you go a long distance to find a surgeon. If you have complications, you may have a lot of extra travel to handle on short notice. I was fortunate to find a surgeon within a couple of hours’ drive from me.
Please do not interpret any of this information as an attempt to say you should or should not get your new breasts. Only you can make that decision. But be forewarned with enough information to make a wise decision. The breasts you save may be your own.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul
