Alert the media!
The haters said it was impossible.
However, thanks to recent advances in science (and the sex scene in Red, White, and Royal Blue), we can FINALLY confirm that gay men ARE capable of doing it missionary!
OK, OK, we’re kidding.
But seriously! According to recent discourse on Gay Twitter™, there’s a large pocket of heteros who didn’t know gay men could have sex in the tried and true position until the new Prime Video rom-com, which has shot to the top of Amazon’s streaming charts.
When First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez) and Prince Henry (Nicholas Galitzine) got intimate on New Year’s Eve, these straight allies didn’t just see an intimate and tender lovemaking scene; they saw enlightenment. Thank you, Jeff Bezos?
good morning pic.twitter.com/SgyJTW8F6r
— CEO of Super Serve Store (@servestoreCEO) August 12, 2023
Thank you red white and royal blue ❤️
— Mario🧜🏽♀️ (@mmdisney200) August 12, 2023
To be fair, we understand why the thought isn’t constantly crossing every straight person’s mind.
Also, the “International Relations meeting” in Red, White, and Royal Blue (see what we did there?) is especially hard to miss, with some seriously intense eye contact, lots of kissing, and a well-placed, dangling key necklace.
Still, this is FAR from the first time we’ve seen gay characters wrap their legs around each other and get it on.
Much respect to the spit for lube, can o’ beans diet, and d*ggy style culture we saw in Brokeback Mountain, but gay sex on film and TV has come a long way since the Oscar winner introduced the concept to mainstream audiences. No offense to our cis het friends, but it’s time to educate yourself!
Don’t worry, we’ve done our research –– and we brought receipts.
Red, White & Royal Blue greatest service might be teaching a new generation of women that gay men can actually do missionary.
— Tyler Dinucci! (@TylerDinucci) August 12, 2023
For those that remain skeptical, we’ve compiled some of the best missionary gay sex scenes in film and TV. You know, for science. Scroll through below…
Don’t judge a book by its cover. With a title like Bros, you might have assumed that Billy Eichner‘s major studio LGBTQ+ rom-com would be chock full of macho, manly sex. We’re talking wheelbarrow! Reverse cowboy! With the lights off! But actually, Bobby (Eichner) and Aaron (Luke Macfarlane)’s most meaningful encounter is some good ol’ fashioned missionary to “Love is Here To Stay” by Nat King Cole. Of course, it only comes (pun intended) after some hilariously over-the-top (and horny) wrestling. It’s the
position thought that counts!
God’s Own Country
God’s Own Country, known affectionately at “the British Brokeback Mountain” is the only movie that had us ready to take up sheep farming in North England. A romance blossoms between sheepherder Johnny (Josh O’Connor) and Romanian migrant worker Gheorghe (Alec Secăreanu), though the two are hesitant to acknowledge its existence… even after a fight leads to some rough and passionate missionary in the middle of the lush countryside. Oh, to have been a fly on a wall at that farm!
There was TONS of sex in Looking. For the uninformed straights, the HBO series was basically Sex and the City… if they f*cked as much as if they talked about it. And if they were gay.
Still, few moments were as sexy as when Patrick (Jonathan Groff) and his then-boyfriend/boss Kevin (Russell Tovey) decided to switch it up in the bedroom. The Season 2 episode (fittingly titled “Looking Top to Bottom”) gave us some especially sweaty and passionate sex. Patrick finally channels his inner dom after worrying he had resorted himself to a life of bottoming, and while we don’t endorse this messy pairing, the scene was HOT.
Call Me By Your Name
We’re NOT talking about the peach. The hottest part of Call Me By Your Name is the overwhelming attraction that keeps Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) from pursuing each other during a sticky Italian summer. Even though the star crossed lovers get physical right before Oliver’s return to the U.S., director Luca Guadagnino quickly pans to some Italian foliage before it can get too steamy. Prude! Just kidding.
Still, as the camera moves, you can just barely see Oliver position himself between Elio’s legs and lean in for a kiss. It’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment for LGBTQ+ and straight viewers alike, but don’t worry. We turned the brightness WAY up and scrolled frame-by-frame to check ourselves.
Kill Your Darlings
OK, there’s only 30 seconds of sex in Kill Your Darlings. But this moment between heartbroken poet Allen Ginsberg (Daniel Radcliffe) and a stranger he loses his virginity to was all we could talk about in 2013. It’s a moment of sadness and power for Radcliffe’s character, whose heart was broken by Beat Generation pal Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan). Yet the two strangers gaze longingly into each other’s eyes, adding layers of sensitivity and sexuality to the otherwise dark drama.
Queer as Folk
Maybe if the straights knew we did missionary sooner, this short-lived Peacock reboot would’ve gotten the second season it deserved! Queer as Folk never strayed from depicting authentic relationships, including those awkward moments when the gays do what we do best: f*ck our friends. Reeling from trauma in their community and tempted by their romantic history, Brodie (Devin Way) and Noah (Johnny Sibilly) have some steamy sex (too hot for YouTube, even) in Episode 2. Despite an injury, Brodie is able to throw Noah on the bed for some missionary lovemaking, though the memory of a lost lover ends up clouding the mood.
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Poor Brad. And Janet. AND ROCKY! At the peak of mania during their stay at Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s laboratory, both Brad (Barry Bostwick) and his fiance Janet (Susan Sarandon) find themselves seduced by the deviant, yet alluring alien from Transylvania (Tim Curry). “Janet’s probably asleep by now,” Frank-N-Furter warns Brad, before throwing the tighty-whitey-clad man’s legs into the air. “Do you want her to see you like this?” See, we were even giving ourselves over to (missionary sex’s) absooooolute pleasure back in the ’70s.
This oft-forgotten 2011 romantic drama was helmed by Looking director Andrew Haigh, and tells the intimate story of two British men who start a relationship the weekend before one of them plans to leave the country. The film is a beautiful look into the psychology of hook ups and could’ve-been’s… and we also get to see Russell (Tom Cullen) and Glen (Chris New) f*ck a lot. The duo takes it missionary for one especially passionate sesh after arguing about the fight for gay marriage. Naturally.
Another Gay Movie
If you’ve ever wanted to validate the authenticity of any LGBTQ+ stereotype, you’ll likely find the answer in 2006’s Another Gay Movie, a ridiculously queer take on American Pie. Back in the day, a viewing would’ve cost the public embarrassment of a Blockbuster rental. Thank God for streaming! Aside from watching Andy (Michael Carbonaro) f*ck a quiche, we see Griff (Mitch Morris) and Jarod (Jonathan Chase) take their romance to the next level with missionary by the pool. It’s a sweet moment… and the couple even waits five whole minutes before switching to a naughtier position.
Alright, so as a retelling of Pride and Prejudice, last year’s Fire Island is appropriately more love story than it is romping f*ck fest. Though that doesn’t mean Joel Kim Booster didn’t accurately reflect the Pines promiscuity. While his character Noah is looking for Howie (Bowen Yang) at a house party, he opens a bedroom door to find not one, but TWO couples getting it on missionary style (and one man watching). How’s that for proof?!