Bottoms have been debating on Reddit. Specifically, they’ve been discussing the things that tops might do that prove a turn-off.
A user posted the following question in the AskGayBros subreddit: “In general, what would make you not want to have sex with a top again?”
It prompted well over 100 responses in less than a day. Here are some of the more popular replies.
“If it’s clear he doesn’t care at all about my sexual pleasure and only focuses on him getting off,” offered one user. “Bonus points if he’s the type to block you and then unblock you whenever he wants to f*ck again. It’s a massive turn-off.”
“A selfish top,” said another. “There’s a time and place for that sort of sex, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone regularly who’s selfish and doesn’t care about me.”
Many others agreed: selfish lovers do not prompt return visits … unless you’ve got a kink for that sort of thing. Which, actually, some people have.
“Sometimes I like to bottom and when I bottom, I’m very submissive,” countered one. “There’s something about the absolute disregard for my pleasure that I find quite hot. So long as the top is having fun, basically using me as a human sex toy, I’m happy. Of course, that’s fun for me but for other bottoms it might just be a terrible hookup.”
Another said, “I hooked up with this top who would whine every time I’d ask him to slow down or use more lube, or anything. The whine was an instant mood killer.”
Not using the right amount of the appropriate lube was mentioned by others.
“Sex techniques learned from p*rn… the whole choking/slobbering on d*ck and only spit for lube looks great in EricVideos, but it’s not reality.”
Other users also listed things that could apply to anyone, regardless of position.
“Catfishing, poor hygiene in any respect, off chops on drugs,” covers a litany of sins. Off chops is Australian slang for heavily intoxicated.
Others said they had come across tops who just wanted to go straight for anal and refused to kiss, cuddle, suck or do anything else.
Although some may romanticize the strong, silent mystery man, it turns out we don’t want anyone to be all that silent.
“Lack of communication,” offered another bottom. “I’m not saying we need to have a full-on conversation while humping. But part of what gets me going is getting him going. If he can’t tell me what he likes or assist in positions etc, I’m just gonna do what I like and go through the motions of what makes me feel good. But I won’t seek them out again. I have dildos for those kinds of nights.”
Another man offered a list of turn-offs, which included, “Tops who try to shove their d*ck in as soon as we get into position, instead of easing into it.” He also pointed to, “Tops who don’t stop/slow down when you ask them to.”
Others complained about tops who are too slow: “I don’t mind a slow start, but when I ask you to pound me; I want you to POUND me.”
In short: don’t be selfish; talk to your bottom to see what they want; and don’t slam it in unless it’s been agreed in advance. Oh, and make sure to have a wash before hooking up.