Why we’ll always love Dr. Ruth, the LGBTQ+ ally who reminded us to “have good sex!”
It was an eventful weekend—to say the absolute least—but amid all of the noise, we wanted to take a moment to pay our respects to the late, great Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who passed away on July 12 at 96 years old.
Known colloquially as “Dr. Ruth,” Westheimer was one of the world’s most well-loved and regarded sex therapists, whose frank discussions of sexuality helped change the way the rest of us talked about it, too.
We’d say she “normalized” sex talk, though Westheimer herself might’ve pushed against that notion because, as she famously said, “there’s no such thing as normal” anyway! Suffice it to say, she was a fierce ally and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community for her entire career.
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Born in Germany in 1928 to a Jewish family, Westheimer fled the Holocaust at 10 years old, and became an orphan when her parents were killed in the concentration camps. She has said that her experience as a Jewish immigrant is what helped shape her worldview, voicing the somehow radical idea that everyone should be treated with respect.
When she moved to the U.S. in 1956, she worked as a maid to pay her way through schooling and eventually earned her doctorate. After a decade of teaching and private practice work, Westheimer began her radio call-in show Sexually Speaking in 1980, kicking off her ubiquitous media career.
Whether on the radio, in her multiple published books (including 1983’s Dr. Ruth’s Guide To Good Sex), her many notable television appearances, or her television shows of her own, Westheimer was a warm and candid presence who never judged others and always reminded us to “have good sex!”
And, from the very beginning, she spoke openly and positively about the queer community, even when it felt like no one else in the public eye was. She rose to fame in the ’80s just as the AIDS epidemic was taking hold, but she used her voice to combat panic and prejudices around HIV at the time and, as a result, likely saved many, many lives.
“She really helped me gain confidence and accept who I was as a young gay man, and when AIDS started taking most of my friends in the 1980’s after I moved to NYC after college,” Mike Mushak writes for The AIDS Memorial. “Her support of our community and promotion of safe sex on her syndicated radio and TV shows no doubt saved countless lives. I’m still here at age 63, maybe because of her honest and detailed advice.”
Westheimer’s legacy as an LGBTQ+ advocate is beautifully highlighted in the 2019 documentary Ask Dr. Ruth, directed by out filmmaker Ryan White (the man behind HBO doc The Case Against 8 and the docuseries Visible: Out On Television). In it, Westheimer herself speaks on being a trailblazing educator on homosexuality and reiterates another of her famous lines: “Respect is not debatable.”
“[She] wasn’t someone following the trend of like, ‘I’ve evolved on the issue of homosexuality.’ Or once abortion became legalized is then on the pro-choice train,” White told VICE in 2019. “She was at the forefront of both of those things throughout her entire life.”
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The filmmaker continued: “I met her friends from her orphanage saying even when she met gay people throughout her life in the 30s, 40s, and 50s she was always accepting of those people and always saying that people should be treated with respect.”
After news of Westheimer’s passing broke this weekend, White was one of many famous names who took to social media to reflect on the impact of Dr. Ruth:
News of Westheimer’s passing broke on June 13, the same morning the world learned of the loss of fitness guru and TV personality Richard Simmons. Both left an indelible mark on the media landscape and were beacons of hope for queer people of all ages.
That day, a clip went viral on X from a time when Simmons stopped by as a guest on Westheimer’s show, sharing a simple yet profound message and spreading joy, and leaving this world a better place than we found it.
These two certainly did. And we could all stand to keep their wise words in mind these days. Watch the full conversation between these two icons below and brighten your day:
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