Walmart’s logo refresh has all the gays talking… about anal rejuvenation???
New year, new look… new hole?
For the first time in nearly 20 years, Walmart got a brand refresh, including what the company called a “modern, culturally dynamic” new logo.
That said, the retail giant might want to ask for a refund.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Not only does their grand update look essentially identical to its predecessor, it also resembles, well, we’ll let you figure it out…
They even touted the refresh as a demonstration of “our evolving capabilities and longstanding commitment to serve our customers of today and tomorrow.”
This is why it’s imperative to have at least one gay person on every marketing team.
We don’t know how corporations keep letting this happen, especially after the fiasco that was Dunkin Donuts’ “prolapsed anus” mascot. LOL.
Thankfully, an army of Gay Twitter X experts were willing to chime in and point out the obvious.
OK, so the whole rollout (and the ensuing internet reaction) is a little ridiculous. But honestly, we shouldn’t judge Walmart for wanting to freshen up their, uh, trademark lil’ wink after years of serving customers nonstop.
If anything, the change speaks to a surprisingly popular (and slightly taboo) trend in the LGBTQ+ community: anal rejuvenation.
Yep, it’s a thing!
As a quick Google search reveals, the number of practitioners offering cosmetic procedures on the peach pit has grown exponentially over the past few years.
These services may include bleaching, tightening, wrinkle improvement, skin tag and hemorrhoid removal, or restoring skin around the anus.
And while Walmart is just now hopping on the bandwagon, these aesthetic offerings (and concerns about one’s anus) aren’t new. As well-engaged threads on Reddit reveal, feeling self-conscious about the hole’s appearance is a very real experience in the LGBTQ+ community.
(Case-in-point: this work-unfriendly conversation asking, “Serious question: How can I improve the look of my ravaged looking anus?”)
Back in 2017, Vice ran an article entitled “Anal Rejuvenation Is Making Works of Art Out of American Butts,” highlighting the sizable population of mostly gay men seeking out ways to achieve more “lickable, playable” holes.
Furthermore, anal rejuvenation made it into The Washington Post in June 2024, thanks to Dr. Evan Goldstein, a proctologist with offices in New York and West Hollywood who’s garnered a reputation as “the bottom whisperer.”
According to Goldstein, people travel across the country to visit, and he may operate on “as many as 15” patients on a busy day.
After a typical anal rejuvenation, he revealed that patients may “experience a few days of pain, followed by a couple weeks of wince-inducing poops,” though after a few follow-up visits, they’re normally “back to butt f*cking in two to three months.”
So, with that in mind, we’ve decided to let Walmart’s rebrand slide.
Sure, we don’t see a huge difference between the old and new.
But as gay men, who are we to judge a bottom brand for wanting to feel good about their hole logo?!
Related
Some of my friends are getting “HoleTox” & I’m really curious about it. Is this insane or should I give it a try?
“Apparently it can help bottoms who have a difficult time relaxing, especially if their partners are on the larger side. I need to know… Is this a real legit thing, or just some crazy fad being peddled by plastic surgeons?”
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