‘It took me years to get rid of the guilt’, says gay former player Keegan Hirst about his sexuality

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Former British rugby player Keegan Hirst, 37, has recently spoken openly about his journey since coming out as gay in 2015, becoming the first professional rugby athlete to do so publicly. In an appearance on the podcast All Out, hosted by Jon Dean, Hirst discussed personal experiences, including the impact of internalized homophobia, his first encounters with men, and the process of self-discovery following the end of his marriage to a woman, with whom he has two children.

During the conversation, Hirst shared that his first sexual encounters with men were marked by guilt and discomfort. According to him, the shame made him feel bad after the encounters.”It probably took me years to get rid of it, if I ever really did. I used to be like, after finishing [sex], ‘Ah, I need to get out of here. This is disgusting as hell’ ”, he said.

Turbulent start

After coming out, Hirst sought to explore his sexuality with more freedom, using apps and frequenting gay bars. Although he found it liberating, he acknowledges that the first encounters lacked emotion and served only to satisfy a desire that had been repressed for a long time.

Over time, he began a more serious relationship with another man, which helped change the way he viewed sex and emotions. Hirst shared that this relationship made him move away from seeking only casual encounters, something common at the beginning of his journey as a gay man. He explained that for those still trying to accept themselves, this type of encounter can end up being an empty experience that makes a person feel bad.

At another point in the podcast, Hirst shared that early in his public life as a gay man, he felt objectified. “When I came out publicly, I remember my friend telling me, ‘You’re literally someone’s fantasy, like the porn search’”, he said. “I remember telling him, ‘I don’t give a damn. If I’m having sex, everyone wins’ ”.

Although he initially enjoyed the attention, he began to feel uncomfortable with the fact that some people approached him solely because of the “fantasy” status he represented. “I’m not a piece of meat, you know? There’s more to me than that ”, he affirmed.

Watch the full episode:

Keegan Hirst and Joel Wood

Today, Hirst is in a relationship with influencer Joel Wood, with whom he has been for three years. Wood is well-known on social media and hosts the podcast “Happy Healthy Homo“. Hirst also founded the project Gay Man’s Coaching, which provides physical and mental health support for gay men. Recently, he held the first in-person event of the program in Chicago, United States.

Currently off the field, Hirst works as a life coach for other gay men, addressing topics such as self-esteem, mental health, and well-being. He advocates that the acceptance process requires time and support, especially for those who spent years trying to hide their identity.

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