Gay and bi guys list the “mildly offensive” comments they’ve gotten from the straights

You can’t be a queer person navigating through the modern-day world without hearing some straight-up nonsense.

And in a recent Reddit thread, gay and bi men listed hetero comments that have gotten stuck in their craw.

“What are some of the mildly offensive things that straight people naïvely say to you?” Reddit user u/orangenormal wrote in the r/AskGayMen subreddit, kicking off the conversation. “I’m not talking about overt homophobia but … little societal microaggressions from people who probably mean well.”

Here’s a selection of quotes from the thread, and frankly, we’re surprised that commenters were only “mildly offended”—we’d be maximally offended if some of these remarks were lobbed our way!

“You’re gay? But you don’t act gay!”

“But you’re not all lean and muscular, and you don’t wear colorful clothes.”

“You’re gay, but you’re cool.”

“Are you and your husband still together?”

“Which one of you is the woman?”

“Oh, my cousin/uncle/accountant is gay!” 

“Hey, I have a gay friend. You guys should date.”

“We’re cool as long as you don’t hit on me.”

“Have you ever tried sleeping with a woman?” 

“How do you know you’re gay if you haven’t tried it?”

“Would you sleep with a woman if you had to?”

“It’s such a waste that you’re gay.”

“You’re so handsome. It’s such a pity.”

“Oh, is [same-sex marriage] legal here? I didn’t know you could get married here.”

“Just don’t be bisexual around me/my family.”

“I have so many gay friends and colleagues.”

“I tolerate you.”

“I accept you. It’s not my place to judge. I don’t decide who gets into heaven.”

“You’re too short to be straight.”

“How are you Korean and gay?”

“Are your parents supportive?” 

“You’re not bi, just greedy.”

“The gay ‘lifestyle.”