Deborah Nicole: My Story, Part Two
Becoming the “ Woman of your Dreams “ became my everyday thought and in the future the main slogan for our transformation business. This came from a Sunday newspaper ad in England from a company based in Manchester and London called Transformations owned by a male to female sex change lady called Stephanie Anne Lloyd. Each week they advertised as the place to become a female – how I would have loved to make a full male to female transformation session there – but could not afford it. I was content just to go to this store, buy a coffee and a pair of cheap panties, and try to get to know some of the staff or customers. Truth was I was just amazed at their female inventory, everything a male could desire to become a female. I still remember the shelves filled with wigs, lingerie, high heels, dresses, breast forms, cosmetics — and how I wished to be able to afford these beautiful female things. I did manage to buy for me back then the perfect bra filled with of all things birdseed. It was the first time I ever felt the magic of having female breasts, and loved how they looked and felt on me. Some time later Stephanie expanded her business to a massage and prostitution business and was later arrested – which for me at that time added to my admiration of her.
Just before I immigrated to USA I did get to see and meet Stephanie in person at the store at a BIO of her life book signing. All I remember was how sexy and beautiful she looked with her long dark hair and makeup. She was wearing a low cut red top with her breasts pouring out for all to see and a tight short black skirt showing off her dark stockings and high heels. How I wished I could look remotely like her and with her fabulous female body curves. She was indeed one of the earliest transgender pioneers of our lifestyle – and was one of the first to get a complete sex change.
(Never could I have imagined one day 55 years later I would have a Transformations store like hers called Sierra Services.)
About a year later I got my first real job as a salesman for a British biscuit company – and this included a company car and some travel away from London with hotel stays. For the first time I was able to dress much more away from family and friends and since I was now making a decent wage I was able to afford and buy more female clothes.
My first business trip was to Hastings on the English south coast – and I began to plan my new female wardrobe – guessing at female sizes which would fit me. There were no large department stores back then, just small female fashion stores. It was also almost unheard of for any male to be seen even looking or shopping for female clothes. I decided I was just going to do this and to heck with any embarrassment and if questioned by store staff I would just say I was shopping for my sister who had some medical problems.
I planned it all and decided to make my shopping trip on a Saturday and go there as early as possible hoping there would be few customers to see me make my female purchases.
I made a list and with the help of a kind store lady bought a complete female wardrobe. I think she knew I was buying for myself but was polite enough to understand and not question me. Later I found stores selling wigs, cosmetics, shoes and a small lockable suitcase to store all my precious female items. With super happiness and my heart pounding I returned to the hotel room, locked the door – and began my next female journey. I stripped down, shaved off all male body hair and began to dress.
Soon I was completely female dressed and when I looked at a mirror I was amazed at what I saw.
Standing before me was this beautiful woman looking as real females can – and it all felt incredible. I had practiced doing my makeup – and was able to do this trying to look as feminine as possible. All I know was I felt like a woman – and I looked like a woman – so I must be a woman.
Needless to say there were male body arousal human feelings – which we all know are part of the pleasures of dressing in female clothes. Getting dressed in female clothes combined with viewing “ female impersonation – drag – transexual “ magazines was a real turn on – at least for me.
This is also the time to say clearly that I was never interested in other males in any way.
I was and still am completely heterosexual – only interested sexually in real females. In reverse most gay males are not interested in males who dress as women.
I envy and admire and am inspired with only real females, the incredible beauty of a woman – her curvy body and all the fashions she gets to wear.
Now having said this – I also admit that I do like being admired and hit on by straight males – even if they are not aware I am not a real female.
The next month I moved on to Brighton England which was well known as a more liberal gay friendly city. I even found a small bed and breakfast hotel where the restaurant staff were from Russia and dressed as waitresses in very sexy french maid type outfits. I now had even more cash to spend and found another female fashion store – where I purchased my first two dresses. Also a much better long curly dark wig, some jewelry, finger nails, and of course more stockings and garter belts. I learned that female shoes were one size larger than male shoes and purchased a pair of high stiletto heels. Step by step, each female fashion product at a time, I did all I could to look and feel as much of a woman as I possibly could. It was almost an obsession — almost an addiction to Become the Woman of my Dreams. I would practice walking in my high heels as much as possible.
One Saturday afternoon at this hotel where I had a room looking out onto a pool, patio, and a bar. I got female dressed again and saw about ten males and a few females drinking and having a good time together. It was also the first time I ever saw males holding hands and kissing each other. I began to wonder how it might be to leave my private room and go into a public place as a female. This seemed to be the perfect opportunity and scared to death I opened up my door and ventured outside toward the bar.
As this woman approached I could see all eyes were upon me. I sat down at the end of the bar, crossed my legs and was surprised to hear the bar tender ask me what I would like to drink – with no question of my appearance. A few minutes later several of these guests came closer to me and simply said how pretty you look. It was the very first compliment I had ever had about my femininity. I also thought maybe I really do look like a female – from others who did not know me.
Soon we were all enjoying the time together having fun, just talking about our lives, where we were from and so forth. No one asked about why I was dressed as a female and they just seemed to accept me as another girl without any judgements or questions. Needless to say I was thrilled to be outside as a female and I hope being accepted as a female.
So back then I was content to be able to female dress as often as I could, wear my panties, stockings, bra under my male clothes – and just dream of an even more female life.
My mother used to tell me I first started talking of moving to America at about 12 years old.
So as I got older it also became my future dream. I knew conservative Ireland was not for me and I needed a more open society where I could live my female lifestyle without fear of discovery and negative consequences.
Finally in 1966 I got my USA immigration visa and a few days before had to purge my small female wardrobe. I simply packed it all up inside a small box and with tears left it in a parking lot hoping someone like myself would find it and enjoy the contents as much as I did.
My mother’s last words to me at Southampton docks as I boarded the SS United States liner were “ I love you my son – now go build a better life for yourself in America and never forget where you came from “.
Five days later I arrived into New York with a suitcase and about $300.
To be continued. . .
Category: crossdressing
