Gay cowboys, crotch-grabbing Travis Kelce & Boy Smells: 10 things we’re obsessed with this week

Gay cowboys, crotch-grabbing Travis Kelce & Boy Smells: 10 things we’re obsessed with this week

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Three-panel image. On the left, a golden t-shirt pictured on a white background. The shirt has a black illustration of a naked muscular man in a cowboy hat and reads "Mr. Cowboy Content 1975." In the middle, a shaved head Travis Kelce sits on a couch in a blue hoodie looking at his phone and grabbing his crotch through his jeans. On the right, drag queen Trinity K. Bonet stands on the 'Drag Race' stage with long black hair, long eyelashes, and in a red dress. In her black gloved hands, she holds a black lipstick tube reading "Jan."

All is perfect OK in the world. For once.

Just look at the material: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got their happy ending, Mariah Carey collaborated with Ariana Grande, Zendaya used the Dune 2 press tour to gag the masses, and Pedro Pascal joined the Fantastic Four. Also, it’s an election year…

Hmm, maybe we got ahead of ourselves on that one.

Nevertheless, it’s been a solid week in gay news. Morgan Spector reminded us everything good about male thighs, Colton Underwood renounced his “sinning days,” Jake Gyllenhaal got shirtless to square up against Post Malone, and somehow the Eating Out franchise turned 20-years-old.

On top of that, it’s been a sea of Valentine’s thirst traps, endlessly entertaining memes, exceptionally slutty bops, and pre-spring fashions that may have you digging that credit card offer out of the trash. (Don’t do it!)

Take a deep breath and find your inner peace. Here are the 10 things we’re obsessed with this week…

1. Spreading the Gay Yee-Haw Agenda

Three-panel image. On the left, a golden t-shirt pictured on a white background. The shirt has a black illustration of a naked muscular man in a cowboy hat and reads "Mr. Cowboy Content 1975." In the middle panel, a framed image of a stick drawing of a man sitting on a horse kissing another man standing beside him. The line color is brown on a white background. In the right panel, a spiral bound book featuring two cowboys embracing in a field of wheat. Above, in colorful bubble letters reads: "Gay Cowboy Coloring Book."
Image Credit: Etsy

ICYMI: The gay yee-haw agenda got a boost, thanks to Beyoncé’s new country song and a certain, erm, below-the-belt TikTok dance. But as any Southern belle (or Brokeback Mountain fan) knows, the allure of a gay cowboy never goes out of style.

Got the sudden urge to save a horse and ride buy a cowboy? I’ve got you covered. For the washroom, skip the spurs and snag this No Reins Vintage Print ($18 – $40 depending on size). To cure lonesome hours on the range, check out the spiral-bound Gay Cowboy Coloring Book for $24. For saddling up, grab the Mr. Cowboy Contest T-Shirt, modeled after a 1975 San Francisco event and available in a variety of colors for $25 – $30.

2. “Slow Burn” Boy Smells Candle

Two-panel image. On the left, a pink glass candle with a metallic gold label that reads "SLOW BURN" with indistinguishable text underneath. On the right, the same candle sits on a wooden table amidst plumes of smoke.
Image Credit: Boy Smells

This collab between country singer Kacey Musgraves and candle connoisseur Boy Smells is a match made in olfactory heaven. In fact, the spicy and smoky Slow Burn (named after Musgraves’ ethereal 2022 hit) was so successful, it’s stuck around amongst their plentiful options.

Per its website, the powerful pink candle –– retailing for $56 – $108 online –– features “smoldering sunsets of lush raspberry and smoking incense.” It smells so heavenly that I get a little heartbroken every time I burn it.

3. Personalized Drag Race All Stars-Inspired Lipsticks

Two-panel image. On the left, five black tubes of lipstick modeled after props from 'RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars.' Printed on the side in white are names like Manila, Dela, Sarah, Johnathan, and Chris. On the right, drag queen Trinity K. Bonet stands on the 'Drag Race' stage with long black hair, long eyelashes, and in a red dress. In her black gloved hands, she holds a black lipstick reading "Jan."
Image Credit: Etsy / World of Wonder

You better werk! With the ongoing sixteenth season of Drag Race and the premiere of Drag Race: UK vs the World Season 2, my friend group is now deeply engrossed in drag competition show(s). I’m only surprised it took two whole months into 2024, since the RuPaul Cinematic Universe is expansive enough to cover a calendar year.

If you also have a budding drag queen (or wannabe guest judge) in your life, tell them to stay –– or sashay away –– with their own custom lipstick ($14.39 – $18.89 at Etsy) modeled after the infamous All Stars tubes. Even Season 15’s Salina EsTitties turned to the site to snag her own.

4. Dump Him Snapback Hat

In front of a gray background, a white baseball hat with a blue brim sits. Embroidered across the front of the cap in orange varsity letters: "DUMP HIM."
Image Credit: Urban Outfitters

Breaking news: Britney Spears’ iconic and campy coming-of-age flick Crossroads is finally on Netflix! The 2002 musical movie has been holed up in streaming-rights hell for years, so it’s a big moment for Y2K enthusiasts.

If you’re looking to channel some of the singer’s early aughts vibrance, look no further than the “Dump Him” Snapback Hat, on sale for $22 at Urban Outfitters. The adjustable cap bears the same slogan that Brit wore on a babydoll tee after breaking up with Justin Timberlake. Allegedly. I love American herstory!

5. Straight Male Friend on Saturday Night Live

Straight male friends?! In this economy?! A hilarious 2023 SNL skit starring Travis Kelce and Bowen Yang is making the rounds after the Chiefs’ Super Bowl win and I don’t know how I lived without it.

The premise is simple: an advertisement for gays looking to ditch their girlies and find a drama-free, wing-obsessed, unattached straight male friend. I never thought I’d hear a 6’5″ tight-end ask earnestly, “Do gay guys like when a guy has a big one or is it kind of like a bad thing?” Or see Kelce grab his crotch on the couch next to Bowen. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

6. Ugly Tomato Sauce from City Saucery

Two-panel image. On the left, a glass jar of tomato sauce sealed shut. On its white label reads: "Ugly Tomato Sauce" with a red logo reading "City Saucery." On the right, a plate of red sauce ziti with a fork sits on a plate next to a white plastic container of more pasta.
Image Credit: City Saucery

I’m a firm believer that you should always have a jar of tomato sauce in your fridge at all times. I’m not even Italian, just prepared. That’s why I was excited to learn about City Saucery, a Brooklyn-based, queer-owned business sharing their fam’s centuries-old Italian recipes with the world.

Their staple is the Ugly Tomato Sauce ($9.99 online), which repurposes the “ugly” and oddly shaped tomatoes rejected by grocers and typically wasted in the US. But it doesn’t stop there. They’ve got a wide array of handcrafted sauces like Spicy Ugly Tomato, Rustic Marina, Mushroom Ragu, Midnight Marinara, Vegan Vodka, and more.

7. “Head Head Honcho” by Kim Petras

It’s not everyday you find a pop star whose lyricism goes toe-to-toe with Shakespeare. But the uninhibitedly horny words of Queerties Best Anthem nominee Kim Petras would have William running for his quill. Especially on new EP Slut Pop Miami, which dropped Valentine’s Day.

The 12-song odyssey of innuendo serves as the sequel to her 2022 EP, with bigger, raunchier, and more absurd swings. The track list alone (featuring songs like “Butt Slutt,” “Rim Job,” and “Get F*cked”) could give your grandma a heart attack.

But the real standout is “Head Head Honcho,” which juxtaposes vapor wave production and hyper pop influence with quips like “I’m a semen Jesus.” Yeah, you’re going to need headphones to listen to this one.

8. Gay Rosé

In front of a pink background, a bottle of rosé sits. It has a white cap and a white label reading "Gay Rosé" in rainbow letters over a rainbow line illustration of Elton John in thick glasses.
Image Credit: Evoke Winery

I love rosé, despite the cringeworthy decorative signs it’s inspired over the years. (“Rosé All Day,” “Wine O’Clock Somewhere,” need I go on?) That being said, I’ve never been loyal to a label until this flamboyant fellow.

Gay Rosé ($30 online) is Elton John-levels of queer, which is fitting because his likeness graces the bottle. Crafted by Evoke Winery, who specializes in “feel-good wines,” it’s a sweet and light treat perfectly suited for any found-family occasion.

9. The promising campiness of Madame Web

Is Dakota Johnson being held against her will? It’s unclear from her recent press tour for Madame Web, where she questioned its viral memes, got interrupted by an earthquake, and admitted she doesn’t know Tom Holland’s Spider-Man movies. (Though she hilariously guessed the third flick was called The Goblet of Spider-Man.)

Johnson hasn’t even seen the comic book film, but it’s received a nearly unanimous negative reaction. In fact, Rolling Stones dubbed it “the Cats of superhero movies.” And honestly, I’m sold! Cheesy dialogue, campy action sequences, and weird spider senses be damned! Sometimes, we need to hit the cinema, stare at a screen, and eat popcorn –– and that’s OK!

10. Barry Keoghan’s Valentine’s Wish

Is it just me or is the salt suddenly burning?

Since *that* infamous dance scene, Barry Keoghan is leaning into his pinup status hard. So, it’s safe to say the Irish actor (and dating app Bumble, who sponsored the post) knew what they were doing with this Valentine’s Day snap. The gays were parched, but as one horny Instagramer wrote: “take em off it’s nothing we haven’t seen before.”

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