I’m gay, autistic, and horny. Here’s what you should know before we date…

I’m gay, autistic, and horny. Here’s what you should know before we date…

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Dating can be all over the place. Some people just want casual situationships, others are looking for one night dalliances, and then there are those who are ready to get married nine days after they meet. Regardless of your preference, we all crave affection and want to be in partnerships that feel authentic and safe. As an autistic person, it’s taken me a while to be open to the idea of being in a relationship. If you have a potential partner on the autism spectrum, here are some tidbits to take into consideration… 

Take the time to learn our interests.

One trait we autistic folks are known for is having “special interests.” In non-autistic terms, it just means our interests. When I’m passionate about something, I tend to infodump–gathering and sharing information about whatever it is I’m passionate about.

For autistic people, sharing our interests is just a way of connecting with others, especially if they have the same interests. For example, I love horror movies. Anything avant-garde to the Saw franchise. If I find out a guy I’m talking to also loves horror movies, I might use that as a way to build our relationship. We all love it when our potential partners are similar to us… although I would be open to a clone!

A common misconception that comes along with this, however, is that we autistic people are “selfish” or “self-centered” for talking so much about our “special interests” which, again, are just our interests and no more special than anyone else’s.

Just remember, it’s just us talking about what makes us happy. That said, being autistic doesn’t make it okay to only talk about our interests. If you feel like you aren’t being given the space to express your own passions and interests to your autistic partner, communicate that. We appreciate the feedback!

This brings me to my next point…

When dating an autistic person, don’t be afraid to keep it 100.

We aren’t mind readers (despite our godly abilities to pick up on social cues). You get back what you put out. Growing up, I felt like I had a good grasp at this with my friends, but that changed when I became an adult and I started dating. As I stepped into adulthood, I noticed all the ways others handled romantic situations. Or more specifically, exiting romantic situations.

Ghosting is easy because it only takes a few seconds to block someone, but it’s also rude. If you find yourself chatting with an autistic person and losing interest in them, just say so. I promise won’t hunt you down and wear your face as a mask. Personally, I would rather have someone tell me they aren’t interested so my time isn’t wasted and my feelings aren’t crushed. Plus, I’m mature and patient enough to find someone better.

Speaking of patience…

When it comes to opening up, give us a little more time.

Autistic people have to navigate living in a world not made for us. It’s difficult enough already without you getting frustrated with us for simply, well, being ourselves.

Another misconception about us is that we’re all introverts. We get slapped with the loner label solely because we might not always be the life of the party.

Although I can only speak for myself, I believe a big part of why we’re like this is because we feel like we have to be guarded. Non-autistic people have a history of treating us as inferior in virtually every aspect–life, work, dating, even partying–so sometimes it takes a little more time for us to let down our guard. 

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at opening up to guys. But it hasn’t been the easiest. Many autistic people need partners to understand that we open up in our own time. If you’re willing to be patient with us, it can lead to stability, which can lead to long-lasting love.

In conclusion…

As an autistic person, I am deserving of love. Autistic people, in general, are not often portrayed in the media as potential love interests, and that’s a shame since we’re so great! I’m here to tell you that we can make great lovers/friends/partners/flings, and, just like many of you, we’re waiting for the universe to send us our Mr. Right.


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